Yes I watch Corrie pretty regularly - my Mum was a fan when I was growing up, back in the days when it was only on Mondays and Wednesdays . I still enjoy it very much; the writing can be gently comedically brilliant. My favourite character has to be Mad Mary: best quote, "It was a very long time ago, and I haven't touched a chainsaw since."
Occasionally I'll squint at 'Stenders (Girl Teen likes it) but its relentless misery and repetitious everyone sleeping with every one else's spouse interspersed with Bianca pulling a face doesn't really entertain me. And -this is directed at both of the Top Two soaps- how many times can pubs burn down anyway ?
No, these aren't my favourites.
Nor are the Aussie ones. The Other Half likes to unwind with them; I don't. I find them oddly under produced. Like the budget can't ever quite stretch, which might explain why all the schoolgirls wear really short dresses made of what is presumably plaid offcuts, and why in Summer Bay none of the nubile young things can apparently afford to wear clothes at all, just swimwear. Even the weather doesn't oblige - the skies are invariably grey.
And exactly how old is Alf ? And why doesn't Paul Robinson age ? And why has Susan forgotten she has MS ? Or several children that never seem to visit ?
It's a shame because it seems to me the Neighbours stalwarts - Paul, Karl, Toadie, have huge comic potential. They need a spin off. In fact I'm going to write one.
Maybe have them living in a dingy high rise flat where they have to work the markets for a living,using Paul's business acumen, hoping to one day be millionaires ?
And don't talk to me about Hollyoaks. I'm too long in the tooth for all those shenanigans. I've seen less lip gloss in Boots. And that's just the boys.
No, my favourite soap, one I have to make time to see because I am usually at work when it is on, is Doctors (BBC1, Weekdays,1:45 pm)
Oh, the wonderful world of Letherbridge, a fictional town in the West Midlands, with its own University and very often, just the one policeman.
It's a dodgy time for Soapland detectives at the moment I think. In Weatherfield, Teflon Karl looks on as the cops decide that a comatose woman removed her own oxygen mask so she could die in penance for being an arsonist. Or something equally incredible. Not to mention the huge drug problem down at the Club - not one of those policeman noticed a wild eyed Sylvia with the munchies leaving a trail of Haribo wrappers in Rosamund Street.
Anyway, here are the headlines.
Local Lecturer Death: Open Verdict Recorded
In Letherbridge,as in Weatherfield, CID are fairly easily pleased. It's nice to see that the two top cops are both female; DI Laura Beale, and DI Once Kissed Rob. I prefer the latter, her character is more nuanced, rounded, but it was DI Daughter of George Carter who headed up the investigation into the death of Sam Reid.
Poor Sam had no choice but to live with the two most miserable people in England. Maybe the police took that into account. Quite how anyone accepted that a man with a useless left arm due to stroke damage, and a broken right arm, made phone calls and self administered pills is frankly a suspension of reality. But that's why we love it. And of course, the inquest verdict was Open. This I hope, hasn't gone away.
Chris,the facilitator of Sam's death , meanwhile is trying to reinvent himself as Sam circa 1984. Here's Chris looking just like his dad! Here's Chris wearing Sam's old leather jacket! Here's Chris on his dad's old bike at the scene of the accident that ruined everyone's lives ! It's a step up I suppose from Stroppy Chris who continually stomped off to his room like a teenage Tracy Barlow (only unlike her -who stayed up there playing tapes for 12 years - unfortunately for us he kept coming back downstairs ).
Dr Emma, who as a locum is costing the Mill a fortune for hardly ever being there (have they had a locum for the locum? No wonder Julia wanted out) is a mournful, sad woman, in early middle age, whose life hasn't worked out quite the way she planned . Dido Miles has played her beautifully. She's a complicated character, there was Sam, there's her son, there's Howard whom she misled badly (although one wonders if he ever asked why they always had to meet in car parks at lunchtimes). Howard's words to Emma about 'apron strings ' may have been partly self serving but the moment Chris checked with his Mum about what 'we' were doing at the weekend was the moment it all became a bit Oedipal/Hamlet & Gertrude. I allowed myself a shudder.
New Vicar Declares Love For Parishioner
"He's only known her five minutes," say regular Church goers
I'm not sure about Gordon. He's a bit shifty, like the bloke who ran the youth club I went to briefly when I was 12. Like he's got a horrible secret Norman Bates style ("You haven't met Mother yet, have you?").
Beware of inviting him in too soon to share your precious redbush, Mrs Tembe ! (her special tea, you filthy beggars).
Does Gordon know that Winifred is permanently bewigged ? I think we should be told.
I'm not sure I want Gordon to be a permanent resident of my Doctors world. However neither do I wish to see Mrs Tembe heartbroken; nor do I want her to leave, Vivien style, except unlike Vivien not for her Barbados -missionary work in Africa no doubt.
Wait and see.
In Other News
Popular GP Celebrates Several Days Since Last Being Kidnapped/Confined
Local Restaurants Report Fall in Lunchtime Trade
'Now Julia Parsons has gone," said one owner, "Her old friends just have no-one to meet, and no reason to eat out. They're all having food on the run with a quick Subway."
And Finally
Howard in one of those plastic granny rain-hats you used to get in Christmas crackers. Cos that's the way I roll.
There'll be more Doctors specials .. see you next time, thanks for reading.
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